Article 51180 of comp.sys.amiga:
Path: jhunix!barrett
From: barrett@jhunix.HCF.JHU.EDU (Dan Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga
Subject: The ONLY way to get RAW, UNBRIDLED SPEED in an Amiga program
Keywords: C, assembly, Elvis, prongs
Message-ID: <7077@jhunix.HCF.JHU.EDU>
Date: 7 Dec 90 17:18:14 GMT
Organization: The Johns Hopkins University - HCF
Lines: 79


Some folks wrote about:
>Subject: Re: Assembler Programming - Costs versus Benefits
>Subject: Re:   Awesome! Now I am Pi**ed!
>Basically, writing a portable program blah blah blah...

	You people in comp.sys.amiga just don't know what you are TALKING
about!  It is TOTALLY OBVIOUS to me that NONE of you have EVER WRITTEN a
computer program.  If you want to see RAW SPEED in an Amiga game, you MUST
check out

		****	B L A Z E M O N G E R	****

THIS IS THE FASTEST AMIGA GAME EVER WRITTEN -- NOTHING ELSE EVEN COMES CLOSE!

	Tired of TURRICAN?  Is the BEAST a pussycat??  Does the KILLING 
GAME SHOW play like RERUNS of HOME SHOPPING NETWORK???  GET A LIFE!!!!!
BLAZEMONGER animates at 200 FRAMES PER SECOND -- so blindingly FAST that you
need TWO MONITORS just to WATCH THE INTRO!!!  

	Forget C!  Forget ASSEMBLER!  Forget all those SLOW, WIMPY
LANGUAGES!!  BLAZEMONGER is written in 100% CRAY YMP MACHINE CODE for the
ULTIMATE in SPEED!!!

	BLAZEMONGER goes DIRECTLY to the AMIGA HARDWARE for unmatched
performance.  While BLAZEMONGER is being played, warm boots (ctrl-A-A) have
ABSOLUTELY NO EFFECT.  In fact, you literally CANNOT TURN OFF THE AMIGA
because BLAZEMONGER takes over the power switch!!  (How's THAT for a safety
feature??)  At the same time, POWERMONGER sends thousands of volts through
your power cable, SOLDERING IT TO THE WALL OUTLET, assuring that UNDER NO
CIRCUMSTANCES can you EVER accidentally stop this game.

	Copy protected?  You BET!!  BLAZEMONGER uses disk protection, dongle
protection, "look up the word in the manual" protection, "look up the word
in the DICTIONARY" protection (Webster's 4th edition), 40-number YALE
COMBINATION LOCK protection, and an impenetrable TEFLON COATING around the
entire disk!!!  And for your added safety, your high scores are written to
the super-protected MASTER DISK, so the pesky scores CANNOT ESCAPE and post
themselves to THOUSANDS OF BULLETIN BOARDS, bragging about their MAGNITUDE!

	Multitasking?  WHO NEEDS IT?!?  BLAZEMONGER is SO AMAZINGLY FAST
that it takes LESS TIME to COLD BOOT on our custom OS than it does to SWITCH
SCREENS!!  In the time it takes you to run a stupid "clock" program in the
background, you can play FIVE FULL GAMES of BLAZEMONGER!!  YOU DON'T NEED
ANYTHING ELSE RUNNING!!!

	Playability?  NO CHANCE!!  The RAW SPEED of BLAZEMONGER is so WILDLY
INTENSE that nobody has EVER beaten this game.  You will literally feel WIND
AGAINST YOUR FACE as the images WHIP past your glazed eyes.  The average
player dies in FIFTEEN DIFFERENT WAYS before he can even PLUG IN THE
JOYSTICK!!!  The best-known high score is in the NEGATIVES!!! 

	Speaking of joysticks... BLAZEMONGER supports 2-button joysticks,
3-button joysticks, 3-button mice, 6-button shirts, 24-button ELEVATOR
PANELS, and even 256-button TELEPHONE OPERATOR SWITCHBOARDS to give you
precise control over nearly ALL of the 1073 BRAIN-BLASTING ULTIMATE WEAPONS
available at ALL TIMES!! 

	Does BLAZEMONGER have a 2-player mode?  GET REAL!!  BLAZEMONGER
supports NINE SIMULTANEOUS PLAYERS through the use of CUSTOM JOYSTICKS.
These little beauties can plug into the serial port, parallel port, SCSI
port, 2nd-disk-drive port, video port, coprocessor slot, RGB monitor port...
even the TWO AUDIO OUTPUTS!!  And you can add MORE PLAYERS by modem, FAX, or
GENLOCK!!

	So, you C and assembler wimps... go back to your stupid, lazy,
futile, high-level software engineering TRASH.  Go play "Monopoly" or
something.  There is only ONE TRUE GAME for the Amiga, and it is
BLAZEMONGER.  Only $9.95!  Look for it in your favorite Amiga software store
-- it's the package shaped like a plastic explosive wrapped around a lit
stick of dynamite.

                                                        Dan

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| Dan Barrett, Department of Computer Science      Johns Hopkins University |
| INTERNET:   barrett@cs.jhu.edu           |                                |
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Copyright 1990 by Daniel J. Barrett.  All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed, but may not be included in any
publication without the written permission of the author.