From: barrett@jhunix.HCF.JHU.EDU (Dan Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: Re: CDTV News
Date: 17 Jun 91 21:18:12 GMT

In article <1991Jun16.130419.21035@ncsu.edu> kdarling@hobbes.catt.ncsu.edu (Kevin Darling) writes:
>rjc@wookumz.gnu.ai.mit.edu (Ray Cromwell) writes:
>>
>>>
>>>>
[CDTV is great, CD-I is greater, CDTV is greater than greater, etc.]

	Sigh.

	CDTV??  CD-I??  These are BOTH very WIMPY ideas.  If you want to see
a REAL innovation, check out the LATEST in the series of similarly-named,
4-letter video products:

		Introducing... CBTV!

	Yes, CBTV!  Now, you might think that the "CB" stands for "Citizen's
Band", as in "CB radio".  After all, it makes a lot of sense to integrate a
television set with a CB.  It would certainly find its way into 99% of
people's homes.  (Mainly because we'd sneak in at night and put it there.)

	But that's NOT what "CBTV" stands for!!  The REAL words are (you
knew this was coming, didn't you...):

		COMPACT
		BLAZEMONGER
		TERROR		and
		VIOLENCE

That's right!  CBTV is the ULTIMATE ULTIMATE video game machine!!  Hidden
inside its miniscule frame (2" x 1" x 1"), CBTV contains SEVEN HUNDRED
MILLION of the most HORRIFYING villains, creatures, aliens, mutants,
mechanized death machines, monster trucks ("...are coming, coming, COMING!"),
Atari salespeople, and other EVIL, SLIME-DRIPPING ARCANE FORCES.  And all
that stands between them and TOTAL WORLD CONQUEST is... YOU, and your trusty
0.25" joystick!

	You thought BLAZEMONGER was fast, eh??  Well, you ain't seen NOTHING
yet!  On the CBTV custom hardware, the images will RIP past your eyes so
fast that you'll think that YOU are actually moving!  In fact, you WILL be
moving, thanks to CBTV's built-in ULTRA-POWERFUL magnet that will carry your
body toward the nearest metal object at LIGHTNING SPEED!

	Bang on the hardware???  OF COURSE!!  CBTV has not ten, not twenty,
but FIFTY-SIX THOUSAND 128-BIT DMA HARDWARE REGISTERS ready to be POKED...
and poked HARD!!  SLAMMED, actually, right against the WALL!  Pesky
registers.  They get what they deserve.

	So, as you can see, all those silly CVTD (or whatever they're called
this week) devices are just no comparison.  Junk 'em, that's what I say.

	Incidentally, if anybody is interested in becoming a CBTV developer,
send e-mail to BLAZEMONGER@blazemonger.blazemonger.blazemonger.blazemonger.
Include your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, number of
speeding tickets received, number of speeding tickets OUTRUN, number of
calluses on your joystick finger, and a brief history of any violent
activity in yourself or close family members, 

                                                        Dan

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Copyright 1991 by Daniel J. Barrett.  All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed, but may not be included in any
publication without the written permission of the author.