Date: 25 Sep 91 03:05:16 GMT
From: barrett@panther.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: Re: Blazemonger upgrade
Summary: It's spelled "BLAZEMONGER", Heathen Swine!

>In article <1991Sep23.013207.25989@muddcs.claremont.edu> nradov@jarthur.claremont.edu (Slippery Jim) writes:
>>...score of 9, I realized something had to be done, so...

	I missed the original article, so I don't know what "nradov" was
complaining about here....  However, judging from the small quote above, it
sounds like you are not satisfied with some aspect of BLAZEMONGER (note --
all capitals).  I advise you to call our Customer Service Department.  The
toll-free phone number is located on game level 1,984,237,875,338,914,750,
just behind the Crazed Mutant Waterbuffalo.

	If any of you are ever the least bit dissatisfied with BLAZEMONGER,
our Customer Service Department is ready to help.  They are trained,
polite, and helpful.  They wouldn't DREAM of being insulting.  No sir.
They LOVE to help IGNORANT WIMPS who don't know how to play a REAL
computer game.  No problem is too small -- even TOTALLY STUPID problems
that ANYBODY with JELLO FOR BRAINS could SOLVE EFFORTLESSLY.  Yes, even
if you are a LAZY, DROOLING SCUMFACE who CAN'T EVEN PICK HIS OWN NOSE
WITHOUT SPECIAL ASSISTANCE, we will be more than happy to SET YOU STRAIGHT!!

>>...I uncompiled the original code and added a new segment that directly
>>accesses the Amiga's speach...

	Well, we strongly advise against disassembling BLAZEMONGER.  The
code has a special safety feature built in:  if you disassemble and then
reassemble it, the result comes out BACKWARDS.  Yes, you wind up with a copy
of "REGNOMEZALB", the SLOWEST game ever written!!  It is SO AMAZINGLY SLOW
that your Amiga will dry up into DUST and CRUMBLE AWAY *long* before the
game starts!!  It takes over 104 years just to TURN ON the DRIVE LIGHT!!
And don't even ASK about the introductory animation.  Just imagine a DEAD
SLUG in an OCEAN OF FROZEN MOLASSES and you will BEGIN to get the idea.

	Needless to say, this will VOID YOUR WARRANTY, and our infamous
Customer Service Department will have to come to your house with blunt
instruments (to be "helpful").  If you truly have nothing better to do
with your time, we can send you a copy of REGNOMEZALB to play.

                                                        Dan

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| Dan Barrett -- Grad student, Department of Computer & Information Science |
| University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA  01003  --  barrett@cs.umass.edu |
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Copyright 1991 by Daniel J. Barrett.  All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed, but may not be included in any
publication without the written permission of the author.